Thanks to Saint John of Johnstown (Pennsylvania), we have now learned that the one thing about war that is totally out of bounds is place US troops "in harm's way", that is, in a war zone. St.J is so concerned about that, of course, that he wants to deploy them in Okinawa so that there is at least 8,000 miles and fifty years between American soldiers and anything dangerous, like, well, war.
I understand completely, and have a few other suggestions that we need to take care of, in the same spirit of risk prevention.
- We can't have police running around out on the streets, there are crooks out there. What if some poor, innocent, armed, armor-vested, backed-up police officer actually had to go serve an arrest warrant in the rough part of town? She or he could encounter a criminal at the home; what if the drug dealer actually resisted arrest and fought back? Much better for the police to stay away from those tough areas and let those 102 year old ladies in New York fend for themselves (sort of like women, children, and elderly Iraqis defending themselves from the terrorists if our brave troops were yanked out by Nancy & John)
- The fire alarm goes off and next thing you know a fire truck is roaring through the streets headed FOR the fire. Hey, guys, fires are HOT. They BURN people. How can we send those firepersons, even with flame-retardant, heat-shielded rubber outfits and ladders, axes, big hoses, and chemical extinguishers to the place where the FIRE is BURNING? What if a firefighter got burned while helping a lady with a baby down from a second-floor window? Nope- just like our troops resting in Okinawa by 2008 (deployed there by then so that no Democrats might have to actually answer a question about campaign positions regarding the Global War On Terror), waiting for St. John the CIC to give the next order to go pass out cookies to flood victims, the fire department rather needs to practice cooking, repair toys, polish the trucks, ride in parades, and read magazines back at the station, where there is no dangerous fire that might be risky. Let the lady by the second story window with the screaming baby figure it out for herself. There must be shrubbery down there that she can fall onto.
- How about nurses? We send them into hospitals where there are SICK PEOPLE who might INFECT THEM. Nurses should never be required to get close to patients with diseases, it is simply too dangerous. Send them all to work for health insurance companies instead. Hospitals can be as bad as war zones. Let the sick people take care of themselves. We can't risk the nurses. Maybe to give flu shots, but just to people aren't sick yet.
- And, of course, there are lifeguards, but they don't have to get wet often enough, so they can stay on the beach ogling people. If someone is going down, throw out a float; if they deserve to live, they'll grab it.
It's a good thing we found the brilliant Murtha principle before it was too late. Why didn't Patton or Eisenhower ever think of this? We can avoid all casualties forever, sort of like the drunk looking for his money under the street light where it was easier to see. Just send the US Marines only to places where the bad guys promise not to fight back.